Thursday, June 20, 2013

My Birthday Party!!!

So I'm sittin' up on my bed, plugged in, listenin' to dancing in the dark as I write an essay for some rich Chinese kid who had his birthday on the weekend and had been celebrating all week, so got late at his submissions. And this is my birthday present. Anyway, I need a break from it, I need to dress up, with blazer and all, and go to Soda Factory, a nice little pub around the corner. See I've never been to a pub alone, so am a little nervous. I'm not looking for any of my mates' company but hoping to find some new out here, although I'm quiet sure I won't because I'm weird like that. I'm quiet astound by the sight of people sitting alone at the bar at Soda Factory, never had noticed that before. I'm sure I wouldn't want to be pally with someone who came alone to a bar, especially if they expected to meet someone there. Right? Right! Ah they are playing Smash Mouth, glorious school days! I sure wish I could talk to somebody, anybody. It seems so easy for people, man this is not for me! I'll grab a bloody expensive beer to sit by myself, could have done that for one seventh of the price if I sat in the park, like everyday, with better music in my headphones. Ah! Aerosmith! This is not bad, although the beer sucks. Believe me I've never even tried Kingfisher, fuck that! Those girls at the bar, do they get hit on a lot? I'm sure they do, I would rather go out with one of them than the one sittin' alone. Okay I know! Whatever! Good for the hunk chattin' up with them. Man I need to be regular at the gym. No I dont want to get that big! Fuck no, he looks ugly in my opinion, I don't know why these girls flock around people like him. He's wearing a white denim! Was he in a tampon commercial? No I'm not jealous. I'm analytically criticising. There is a difference... and the difference is... confidence? Well I do need more. And I need to pee. But do I really need to look for acne on my face in the bathroom mirror? Beware: objects in the mirror are more insecure than they appear! Have I lost too much weight? I feel I need to get leaner. Damn what's wrong with me? When did I grow a vagina? I need more beer. Man I've got my whole life wrong. Then again what 'right' be? I had something in mind once, I forget. I know I'm onto something but I don't know what. Like the number 42. I know the answer but I don't know the question to it. Was I supposed to be here? Not at home for sure! Sure as hell I'm glad I'm not with the people I hoped to be with, fuck them! Ah Elvis! This song reminds me of her! Fuck my life! I need a new life, new name. I need a new name. Well I do need a pen name and I can't put my finger on it. Fuck it I'll go with Tyler. Why not? I need the change over. Man I wish I could meet myself from somebody else's point of view. Girls have left me pointing out flaws I didn't know I had. What's fucked up is that I could never point at any flaw they had. Its the flaws that I fell in love with. Maybe that is what the problem is. Fuck you Elvis, this is your fault. Gotta get outta here. So much to do. I'm going to sneak up to my room again, finish the fucking essay. Then stay awake watching Game Of Thrones. I wish I could sleep before 4am. I fucking dread the dreams. I should get some medication. Maybe I'll get  a pill for tonight. Yeah fuck it! It's my Birthday! Happy birthday to me!