Catch phrases for condoms...

Only proceed if you're... above the age of 18 , not a feminist or some moral extremist.

A crank with armor will never harm her.
Before getting drastic, wrap it in plastic.
Before getting laid, wrap up your spade.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
Bodies shouldn't go slapping unless they've got their wrapping.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
Don't be silly, protect your willy.
Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
If you go into heat, package your meat.
If you really love her, wear a cover.
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your cheater.
Never ever deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
No glove, no love!
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
She won't get sick if you wrap your *ick.
The right selection will protect your erection.
When in doubt, shroud your spout.
While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis.
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
You could get a germ if you don't cover your worm.
You might wind up dead if you don't shield your head.

Conversation with god part one.

Friends can get boring at chat convos.
hey
hey
ssup?
nm, with u?
nm

BAH!
So i chat with GOD...

Me:
hey man wassap?!
God:
Cool, man. Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
need to know bout something
God:
I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
u mean your son
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
why do you refer to yourself as a third person?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
why not?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
why not?
God:
I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.
Me:
what's your religion?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
fuck!... how did your son die?
God:
Carefully.
Me:
wtf!
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
you ll say nothing then?
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
no one wants to make you, they already have said on your behalf
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
isnt it? but its true. believe me
God:
I really couldn't say for sure. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". You and I are on the same wavelength, . I believe you.
Me:
some people say god is dead
God:
That opinion is very old fashioned.
Me:
so what is new?
God:
Yippee! not much what's new with you?
Me:
hahahahaha you idiot
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
:|
God:
I love horses. I like wine and bread.
Me:
good for you!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . " I'm glad your impressed, ."
Me:
who is the mother of christ, u ol fucker!
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
the earliest context was?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
dont change the topic retard!
God:
I thought we were finished with I'm glad your impressed, ..
Me:
i am not u dubfuck!
God:
What did you mean by it? I try to improve a little every day.
Me:
check into a rehab bro!
God:
Checking...stand by.
Me:
...
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
you are an idiot
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
hahahahaha... i have to post this on my blog
God:
That is a very original thought. Why do you have to do it?
Me:
because i discovered god is an idiot
God:
Interesting explanation. Interesting gossip: said discovered god is an idiot.
Me:
okay?
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
good then. bye
God:
Alright then. Goodbye.

Source: http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html

About Christ

A friend recently befriended this brilliant scholar from England, Faruq, a well read young guy who six months back converted to Islam from being a Christian. Me and Hina had a lil debade, allright a HUGE debate on the ending of Jesus Christ from the point of view of the new testament, the Apostel Gospels and the Islam Point of view. Hina mentioned this debate to Faruq and he offered to answer my Doubts asking Hina to pass on my questions.

People please excuse the language and grammer mistakes, it is from an email convo.

Questions: (As asked over chat to pass on to Faruq)
ask him how come the old testament differ so much from the new testament with respect to jesuses ending
and howcome all Apostle gospels give diffrent accounts
these qstions r from christian point of view
ill come to the islamic view later

also islamic texts said the crucification never happnd wheras in the new testament it did... barnabas says it was judah who was and fcrse all claim to be true... there is also a theory of jesus traveling to many places and finally resting (example srinagar in rosabal as Yuz Asaf) smwhere thus leaving a bloodline.
and last qstn is the image of virgin mary really borrowed from the pagans?
will u ask these just i have asked?

Answer:
As a muslim we should believe in the taurah (jewish book) injeel (gospel) and quran however the taurah and injeel have been changed by men to suit their desires according to the quran...

the old testament is if anything closer to the truth however it still has its faults in deutromeny it mentions a prophet that will come who will be like moses....the new testament trys to apply this jesus but due to the historical information in the new testament it can easily be disproved...thats why there are so may contradictions the authors of the new testament obviously did not research what was wrote before OR they were writing the gospels according to what they wanted to belive rather than what was the truth...as with the contradictions in matthew mark luke and john.....well three of them are very similar and many historians have remarked that they were derived from the same original peice as you may know the gospels of matthew mark luke and john were wrote over 300 years after christ was rasided up and was not wrote by companions of christ as what is commonly believed.... The amazing thing about the Christians' sworn affidavits (writings attributed to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) is that not a single one of them is duly attested. Not a single one bears the signature, mark or thumb-print of its author in the so-called originals. They now boast of being in possession of over 5000 "originals" of which no two "originals" are identical. Amazing! Little-wonder the Christians themselves label their Gospels as — "The Gospel according to St. Matthew", "The Gospel according to St. Mark", "The Gospel according to St. Luke" and "The Gospel according to St. John".

When Christian scholars are asked why the words "according to" are repeated at the beginning of every Gospel, the obvious implication is that they are not autographed. It is only assumed that they are authored by the names the Gospels carry today. The translators of the "New International Version" have unceremoniously expunged the "According to's" from the four Gospels in their latest translation. Of the alleged Gospel writers, viz., Matthew, Mark, Luke and John it can be categorically stated that 50% were not even the elected Twelve Disciples of Jesus (pbuh).................

well with the crucifiction there is much evidence from the bible to prove it did not happen but first lets just see what the quran says

[4:157] And for claiming that they killed the Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, the messenger of GOD. In fact, they never killed him, they never crucified him - they were made to think that they did **. All factions who are disputing in this matter are full of doubt concerning this issue. They possess no knowledge; they only conjecture. For certain, they never killed him.

[4:158] Instead, GOD raised him to Him; GOD is Almighty, Most Wise.

** many scholars have commented on this and said that somone was made to look like isa a.s

that is the islamic opinion it is clear cut


we have to remember that in in islam we can tell which is god speaking which is muhammed s.a.w speaking and which is another person speaking

1. god speaqking in the quran
2. muhammed.s.a.w speaking in the hadiths
3. 3rd person in the hadiths and books from scholars

in the bible you can also tell because some of the verses seem like god is talking
while others is jesus talking and then people speaking as a 3rd person..over the years all of them have been mashed together and turned into one book rather than keeping them seperate which makes up the bible of today...

it would take me a long time to go through the whole evidence that proves that his crucifixion is false but now i will deal with some

to start with you must remeber that the people who changed christianity was the jews....it was also the jews who wanted to kill him and what better way to cover up the apparent "murder" than by making it a part of the religion...

In any event, if there is any division between a Muslim and a Christian on the grounds of dogma, belief, ethics or morality, then the cause of such conflict could be traced to an utterance of Paul found in his books of Corinthians, Phillipians, Galatians, Thessolanians, etc., in the Bible.

As against the teaching of the Jesus that salvation only comes through keeping of the commandments (Mathew 19:16-17), Paul nails the law and the commandments to the cross Paul nails the law and the commandments to the cross (Colossians 2:14) 1 and claims that salvation can only be obtained through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ:-

"If Christ be not risen from the dead, then our preaching is vain, and your faith is also vain."

(1 Corinthians 15:14)

Paul was a jew who apparantly became a christian and changed the belief of christianity...

I advise that you read a book called crucifixion or crucifiction by ahmed deedat if you seek the historicl look at the biblicle references of jesus apparent crucifiction

as with the blood line i am not sure but i would say that he never left a bloodline because i believe as a muslim thatisa a.s (jesus) being a prophet of allah would not have sex before marriage and isa a.s according to my beleifs will come back and be married when allah wills.

im not sure about the borrowed image of the mary a.s from the pagans but i would say that people love to be able to see or have somthing to relate to when it comes to religion because we are not content with having it in our heart....thats why we have images of jesus and his mother and also why they have turned a man into a god....and also why people worship clay shaped by their own hands that represent gods which they have no authority to claim.

Lovely answer Faruq. There is just one message I would like to ad. Like I have said before i am only interested in stories not the truth because all stories have a learning which is important not the person. and that is what is religion that is what is geeta. I want to understand where the stories come from not that what jesus really did or wethere he really was true. When you think about the person u form an image of him in your mind, an image that represents the story but am image in the mind is no different than the one in clay. the great Sufis say god has a 100 names, 99 are names and 100th is nothing. the 99 lead to the nothing but we chant the 99 and forget the nothing.
Thanks a million Faruq I would love to chat with you someday.

Reincarnation

A conversation b/w me and Celeste

I was discussing about this dream that I very often have. In which i always die. Which led to this.

Celeste: Tell me do you think there are new souls made? I mean the population of the world has doubled in the past 40 years. So if you really believe in that ego thing of one eternal soul, then you have only 50% chance of your soul being over 40.

Me: Right... so... either reincarnation doesn't exist or we all half young souls?! Everybody wansta believe they are reincarnations of Cleopatra or Alexander the Great, I always want to tell them they were probably some dumb fuck like everybody else.

Celeste: So u say reincarnation doesn't exist.

Me: No what I'm saying is reincarnation is just a poetic expression of what collective memory really is.

Celeste: what do you mean?

Me: There was this article by this biochemist that I read not long ago, and he was talking about how when a member of our species is born, it has a billion years of memory to draw on. And this is where we inherit our instincts. Deeds and traumas of our forefathers.

Urbing

Chirag:

1) The Pinnacle of Greatness. The epitome of All things Beautiful. Usually Characterized by someone who is outrageously funny!

Damn Chirag is Hell of Fine, I wish I was him!
Often compared to the beauty of a sunrise or set.
2) The highest level of ballaness.. known all over the world,chilled,laid back,loves to drink,would change for a girl.
i wanna be a chirag.

Vaibhavi:
Vaibhavi isn't defined yet.

Darryl:

noun - Australian slang.
An unpopular bloke who wishes to hell he had mates and a girlfriend, any girlfriend.

Q. I really hate 'insert name of any poppular guy'.
A. You're coming off like a real Darryl, mate.

Jignesh:

N: An modern dialect of the english language, in which what is said is not what is to be understood. The speaker uses a sarcastic remark to conseal the real meaning of the phrase. Ex. "lol okk" really means "its never gonna happen". Influenced by the reknown internet queen Serena the Great, who is known for her sarcastic phrases to conceal her real thoughts.

Don't be sarcastic with me, I speak Jignesh.

Priyanka:
1) A really hot girl who gets a lot of male attention but is mostly oblivious to it.

That girl is a right priyanka.

2) Someone who is a big fat whore Shit, she's a priyanka!

Shruti:
1) Hot, with a hint of naughty, and an attitude to go with it. You'll never know what hit you. I just cant get enough of her, that girl's one hell of a shruti!!
2) Slang for retardation, or little mental stability. Dude, he just shot 4 people! What a shruti!

Hina:

a girl or your girlfriend.

I'm talking to my hina, or who is that hina over there.

Preeti:

simply irresistable and sexy.

WOAH...theres preeti

Celeste:

amazingly beautiful, one from heaven, angel-like. These girls typically make amazing girlfriends and any guy would be lucky to have a Celeste.

"Woah dude, his girlfriend is amazing."
"What'd you expect, she's a celeste."

Mona:
1) The beautiful spanish word for monkey. Mona means monkey in spanish!!!!

If your name is Ramona in if you would transalate it into english it would be Ramonkey
2) A person (almost always female) who moans sexually in their sleep. But Denies it always themselves.

Man, She is such a MONA.

Paresh:

disgusting Indian - smells like curry - probably gay

that Indian paresh works at the seven eleven while his dad drives a cab.

Jaina:

spanish slang for a girl. ie chick, chica

Whats up jaina? Como estas?

Samreen:

having fever... body temperature goin above 98 degree.... body going warm....

hey ur body is so warm... u've got Samreen i think
i cant come for the party, im having Samreen

Upasana:

a dumbfuck

Did you see that Upasana tonight?

Mithun:
1) Meanings which can be found are "bull" and the best... "sex"... Now days the usage of the word has suffered a considerable change and no one knows how this meaning originated but it is a slang used for "masturbation"!!! Like other slangs for the same word like "to touch oneself" etc this is actually not very popular throughout the world because its mainly used only in conversations restricting to Indian Languages... but in India its used even in local conversations and even in some local language chat rooms....

Some examples for its usage are (typical of masturbate):
1.Hey guess what i mithuned twice yesterday.
2. Did u just mithun?
3. Yesterday i was mithuning and my pet dog came and started licking my balls!

2) A Mithun is a cartoon character that escaped from the famous movie 'Roger Rabbit'during its filming.

He wears tight trousers that rip down the backside everytime he bends over to tie the laces to his oversized clown shoes.
He can be found at circuses the world over, performing sealion tricks such as balancing a ball on his nose and clapping for the public.
He is considered a public entertainer just through looking at his face.

Look mummy! There's a cartoon in real life!
Yes son! It's a Mithun!
But mum, I swear I've seen him at the Russion circus before too....
Yes, he is a clown - can't you see his shoes and tight hot pants?

Aditya:

A typical nimrod and an uneducated fool. He resembles a cow and is capable of giving you a rich supply of milk everyday in the morning. Most often, mentally retarded cows are called Adityas.

I used to rear a cow. It became an Aditya, due to which I had to kill it.

Meghana:
No one crack no joke on Meghana sucker!

I may have avoided some names cus they r just too smutty for my taste!...

Spiritual Communication

Creation comes out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. This is where, I think, language came from. I mean, it come from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some connection with one another. It had to be easy when it was just simple survival. “Water.” We came up with a sound for that. “Sabretooth tiger behind you!” We made a sound for that. But when it gets really interesting, I think is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things we’re experiencing. What is “frustration”? Or what is “anger” or “love”? When I say “love” the sound comes out of my mouth and hits the other person’s ear travels through the byzantine conduit in their brain through their memories of love or lack of love. They say they understand, but how do I know? Because words are inert. They’re just symbols. They’re dead. You know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It’s unspeakable. And yet, when we communicate with one another and we feel we have connected and think we’re understood I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. That may be transient, but it’s what we live for.

The Creative Jam

http://thecreativejam.blogspot.com/